


I Need To Be

by TazersKaner (msrogersstark)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/TazersKaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing that makes this loss harder for Erik is knowing that Aflie was in the crowd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Written on my phone so excuse the mistakes please. 
> 
> Sucks that the Sens lost but they had a great season. 
> 
> Title from Ariana Grande

The only thing that makes this loss harder for Erik is knowing that Aflie was in the crowd. He's the captain and he knows they never should have come this far, knows they didn't stand a chance at this series, knows he just faced the best goaltender in the world but it still hurts.

He keeps it together long enough to get through the handshake line, the media, his captainly speech but it isn't easy. He thought they could do it, that he could do it. And all he can think is that Daniel Alfredsson, former Captain, former everything to the Sens, is up there, watching Erik lose.

The guys clear out pretty quickly, and there's talks of a few guys going for drinks but Erik isn't really listening. He's managed to get most of the way undressed, eager to get the burn of the C off his chest.

Kyle's the last one to leave, and he stops off at Erik's stall on his way.

"Next year, buddy. We've come so far"

Erik nods and bites his lip. Kyle just sighs and swings his keys as he walks out. Erik wants to stop him, tell him he's proud of him but the words choke in his mouth, and he feels even worse of a leader.

The door closes behind Kyle but it's opened almost immediately after by the first and last person Erik wants to see. Daniel. Erik attempts to make it look like he's not half way done undressing. He subconsciously reaches for the jersey next to him which should be hung up but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. A hand closes over his own and he looks up into Alfie's eyes. He takes in the styled hair, immaculate suit. Alfie doesn't look angry but he doesn't look happy and Erik just wants to cry. Wordlessly, Daniel takes the jersey, sliding it out of Erik's grasp and hanging on the hook. Erik stars to untie his skates, just to have something to do with his hands. He manages to get rid of the rest of his equipment before Alfie's pushing him towards the shower and bends to clear up the gear around Erik's bag.

When he comes back, his stuff is backed away and his suit is laid out for him to change into. Alfie is no where in sight but he hasn't said anything wrong so that's a good sign.

As he finally exits, feeling the impending doom of going home alone, arms wrap around him from behind. Arms dropped in a tight blue suit jacket that Erik was eager to peel off before the game. Lips press against the back of his neck and he can feel Alfie take a deep calming breath before whispering

"I am proud of you" and "I love you" in Swedish against his ear.

Erik looks at him in shock but Alfie doesn't stop, just smoothly takes Erik's hand and leads him outside. They drive home mostly in silence. Erik is pretty much alone with his thoughts now, letting them build up and nearly push him over the edge into tears. The team, he let them down, the fans, he let them down, Alfie... He let Alfie down too. His breathing quickens and he grips the seat. Everything he's ever dreamed of, the C, the playoffs, making Alfie proud. All gone.

He sobs.

Alfie pulls the car into the driveway and gets out, pulling Erik with him. He manhandles him up the steps to the house and once they are inside, drops his keys and pulls Erik tight against his chest. Erik wants this to be over. He wants to win, he wants to play and he can't. They're done. But Alfie's there with him, slick hair, swave suit, calm, cool, collected. And he passes that on to Erik, calming him down little by little until it's just little sniffs against his jacket instead of full out sobbing tears.

When he's sure Erik can stand alone again, he pulls away and goes to the kitchen to grab a Gatorade for Erik.

"Come on," he murmurs, "upstairs" and presses a hand to the small of Erik's back to guide him.

He makes Erik shower again, and leaves him one of his own, old, Sens hoodies to wear before changing out of his own suit and heading back downstairs.

Erik's reappearance downstairs has him looking better, a bit more relaxed and Danny goes to him again, holding him tight.

"I'm sorry I let you down" Erik says quietly, "I didn't want it to end like this"

Erik's sure he imagines it but Alfie's eyebrows go up sharply. "How exactly did you let me down?"

"I'm the Captain, I should have.."

"Could have, should have, would have, applies to anyone on the team, Erik" Alfie interrupts. "What you did is lead your team to a season where they were shut out only once, their last game. The first ever team to make the playoffs, 14 points out. Not to mention come back against possibly the best Montreal team since their dynasty. Erik you didn't let me down." Erik tries and fails to meet his eyes. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Erik"

They make their way to the couch, Erik barely getting a word in edgewise as Alfie tries to prove him wrong. Slowly but surely it works enough that Alfie's dozing on the couch, Erik curled against him, no sign of tears. They're chests rise and fall together and Erik's actually kind of happy. He and Alfie have the rest of the summer ahead of them. He's okay.

Next year, he promises himself as he falls asleep, next year is our year. And it helps, just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
